If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow
Every now and then a song grabs you at multiple pivotal points of your life and just won't ever let go. This is one of those songs for me.
Let me properly bury the lede, because I have to talk about Sheryl Crow a whole lot before I get to “If it Makes You Happy.”
I liked Sheryl Crow as a young teenager in the 90s. Her gigantic debut album was impossible to avoid when it was released in 1993. After hearing songs like “Leaving Las Vegas,” and “Strong Enough,” most people had no interest in avoiding it, present company included. In Sheryl Crow, you had a more organic-sounding singer-songwriter than many of the wide appeal “alternative” music released that year. When I think of 1993, I think of distortion-fueled songs like “Plush” by Stone Temple Pilots, “Creep” by Radiohead, or the iconic “Heart Shaped Box” by Nirvana. Those songs injected something straight into my 14-year-old brain stem.
It wasn’t all about the boys in those days either, especially on the alternative radio. The Cranberries, The Breeders, and 4 Non Blondes, to name a few, but still, Sheryl Crow’s sound felt like counterprogramming as she straddled the line between adult contemporary radio and alternative radio. Unlike many of the things that end up in that category, Sheryl Crow still seemed cool and authentic and young.
The 1993 adult contemporary charts were dominated by “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston, “Have I Told You Lately” by Rod Stewart, “I don’t Wanna Fight” by Tina Turner, “The River of Dreams” by Billy Joel, and “Said I Loved You… But I Lied” by Michael Bolton. Meanwhile, “Strong Enough” ended the year at five on the Billboard Hot 100, number 11 on the US Adult Contemporary charts, and number 10 on the US Alternative Airplay charts according to Billboard. Sheryl Crow was both successful and still cool.
The hits were so ubiquitous that I never felt the need to buy that CD. I think my sister owned it, and for me, I got just the right amount of Sheryl Crow on the radio and MTV. In the days of $15 CDs and $5 weekly allowances, you needed to keep your powder dry and be especially discerning at the record store, but make no mistake, I was a fan. In those days you could call yourself a fan without actually owning any of the work.
She played Woodstock 1994 and it really set career on a rocket ship. She also played Woodstock ‘99 and reflected on that a few years ago. But I’m not jumping all the way to 1999, at least not yet, and not for Woodstock. Today, I’m jumping to 1996 as I was just beginning my senior year of high school. Sheryl Crow released the lead single of her forthcoming eponymous album. The song was called “If it Makes You Happy” and that’s when I fell in love with Sheryl Crow’s music forever.
The first time you hear the song, it’s pretty unassuming at first. It’s a really typical chord progression with a standard strumming pattern. It’s blending rock and country, although the sliding guitar doesn’t show up in the first verse. And honestly, what the hell is she talking about? “Put on a poncho and played for mosquitos?” What?
“Found Geronimo’s rifle, Marilyn’s shampoo, and Benny Goodman’s corset and pen?”
What what?
But it didn’t matter because the chorus was coming. The phrase ends and drops as Sheryl blasts, “If it MAKES you happy!” and that was it for me. The tone of her voice. The little imperfections as she finds a little gravel in her throat for the delivery. I loved this song. I couldn’t wait for it to come on the radio. When I had the chance I bought the CD single and played it on repeat for days. I was infatuated with the song. And only then did I see the video.
I try hard on this site to talk about women as musicians and not as sexual objects. I wrote a whole essay about how I was going to speak about female musicians as individuals and not as a “female genre.” So, I’m careful to try not to bring it up just for the sake of bringing it up, but I think it’s relevant here to point out a 34-year-old Sheryl Crow seemed to be making some choices in 1996.
I went from being a 14-year-old kid who enjoyed her music on the radio to being a 17-year-old who noticed women in a wholly different way as a more mature - and somewhat less mature - young man with raging hormones of my very own. So, I noticed that Sheryl Crow seemed to be selling a sexier image with her video for “If It Makes You Happy.” I definitely noticed and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t become part of the new way I thought about Crow and her music.
She followed it up with an impossibly sexy Rolling Stone cover as well. I was a dedicated subscriber to Rolling Stone as I’ve mentioned before.
The whole album was a critical success with everyone noting her bigger, more assured vocals. Sheryl Crow seemed to be molding an image she wanted instead of the one that was given to her during the breakout success of her debut.
Crow talked about moving beyond the “girl next door” image from her first record in an interview with MTV.
Everything was so geared towards, sort of, the girl next door, 3 years ago when my record came out. I don't feel like that person anymore, and sometimes that just comes out in the way you dress. You know the characters on this record are kind of more into self-definition, or self-realization, I don't know, I guess you could probably hire a therapist, in fact I could probably put a therapist's child through college with the amount of psycho-analytical-babble on this record. But, hey, you know, it's what it is.
Meanwhile, after the momentary lapse of teenage lust gave way, I was just in love with this song. As a senior in high school facing the last hurrah of youth and living at home with mom and dad, there was something about the emotion of “If it Makes You Happy” that choked me up. Those feelings you get as a senior in high school of trying to appreciate what you’ve been through - even the shittier things - while embracing the sense of accomplishment from finishing something, while also grappling with the feeling that you’re losing something…
I don’t know what song brings you straight back there in your life, but this is one of them for me. Sure, things change for you as a kid as you move from grade to grade and even building to building within a school system, but you’re with a lot of the same people. Even when our elementary schools finally combined and our class size felt like it doubled overnight, it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as thinking about saying goodbye. I didn’t even particularly like high school. I’m not one of those people that wants to go back and do it over again. Never ever ever. Even still, turning a page is a complicated set of feelings as you transition into counting the “lasts” instead of the “firsts.”
It’s my last year in my school. It’s my last year with these classmates. It’s my last year playing varsity soccer. It’s my last year having a locker. It’s my last year at home with my parents. There’s a lot of celebration and excitement for the future, but the wistfulness is fucking powerful. “If It Makes You Happy” encapsulates the wistfulness of that time period for me to this day.
Of course, I moved on from that song and largely from Sheryl Crow. I thought I was way too cool for Sheryl Crow in college. I was listening to heavy stuff and hug yourself emo. I didn’t have time for stuff like that, even if I had once loved it. At least not at that moment in time. Like all incredible art though, the song endured and had a second run in my life. I was in my early 20s and struggling with a different set of life transitions when I found a live version of “If It Makes You Happy” that brought the song right back in an even more impressive way.
I think the first song I heard from Sheryl Crow’s Central Park show was a version of “Strong Enough” with the Dixie Chicks. Whether you like the Dixie Chicks or not, it’s a good song with those harmonies. I looked up who did “If It Makes You Happy” and was surprised to see Chryssie Hynde from The Pretenders was the second vocalist. I started listening to it and it’s just Sheryl Crow doing her song, before introducing Hynde for the second verse. She does a very nice version of the second verse, but the magic happens when the chorus hits.
Sheryl Crow hits her notes like she always does, but Hynde’s soulful, voice carries the low harmonies that takes this epic song and makes it even more epic-er. And the song once again lived on repeat in my world for at least a few weeks.
The song found me in my 20s where I was once again finding myself at a crossroads. I was a lonely guy in my 20s. I didn’t feel much direction professionally after college. I had friends, and hobbies, but nothing going on romantically. I was unhealthy, drinking and smoking too much. I played in a band and wrote songs, but it didn’t translate to much happiness in my life outside of band practices and the hour or so that I would spend playing onstage.
Where the song grabbed me the first time around at the crossroads with the sky being the limit, the second time around, all I could see were limits in front of me. Where high school was the end of something but on to bigger things, the song “hit different” when I’d arrived at some kind of a destination, but there was no defined structure as to what would or could come next. “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?” I was kind of doing whatever I wanted and I was still pretty miserable. From nervous energy in my younger days to coping with what I was in my awkward 20s, the song spoke to me both times.
Now that I’m in my 40s it’s still one of my favorite songs, but I look back at two separate times in my life. Talk about a complex set of emotions, but to me, that’s the power of music. And most artists, albums, and songs only hit one moment of my life. Sheryl Crow and her song “If It Makes You Happy” are interwoven in mine like a Marvel timeline.
You should definitely listen to the version with Chryssie Hynde in case you haven’t heard it before. It might just melt your heart like it did mine.
As a quickie aside, in 2019, I was lucky enough to see Sheryl Crow live in Arizona at the Innings Music festival. I think my friend was surprised how badly I wanted to get over to that stage on the other side of the outdoor park venue to see her set. I was kind of giddy to be walking up just as the lights went down and the opening chords of “If It Makes You Happy” began. As a soon-to-be 40-year-old man, I walked up to the front of the section and sang along including the hard-to-hit notes in the chorus. To arrive at that point in my 40s no longer giving a shit and pretty comfortable in my own skin? That would have been incredible to the earlier versions of myself from 1996 and in the early 2000s. Perspective is something you get with age, and it’s extremely valuable knowing you’re going to get through things, but it would be even more valuable to the younger versions of yourself. It doesn’t work that way though, does it?
If you listen really carefully you might be able to hear me singing in this video. You never know. I was pretty loud.
Note: I said I was going to talk about Smashing Pumpkins. It’s in process! Inspiration struck on this essay in the meantime, so I wanted to post this one first.